dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
he had hair everywhere except his balls
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
