Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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