Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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