So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i think my cat just said my name.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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