I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
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Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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