Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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