I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
