the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
