Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
