So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
