I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
