so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I wish there were birth control emojis
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
