So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize