He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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