sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
