Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Dick very happy bro
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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