Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
