trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize