Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
