I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
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Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
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What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So much rum. So many feels.
I AM VODKA MAN
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize