This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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