they need to just BURY HIM!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
