you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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