Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
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It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
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Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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