tell your sister to shave her snatch
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
