Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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