yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
