My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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