I wish I could teleport
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
