Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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