this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
