Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
