even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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