Kiss
Puke
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
