One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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