we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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