I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
