shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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