At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
