I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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