I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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