he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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