ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
