i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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