Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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