She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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