At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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