Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
