Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
