Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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