so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
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I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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