there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
