My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
