My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
